My black heart

I just love it when people bring their toddlers shopping at 9 o'clock in the evening. At one of the busiest downtown malls. I may be at risk here of offending those of you who have children of your own, but I am really beyond caring right now.

Tonight I had the pleasure of standing in an incredibly slow-moving line to pay for a couple of sweaters and some hair pins. After an hour in the mall, I am a zombie, seeing not much of anything, with only my music to keep me going.

So I'm in line, and I notice a stroller behind me when the child in it starts screaming for no apparent reason, other than the parents having disappeared behind a shelf and left the kid to play with an elastic hair band. Me being me, I turn around and give the child the stare of death, to try to silence it. Do it all the time at too-loud kids in the locker room at my gym, though I will admit it seldom works for more than 10 seconds.

Then I noticed out of the corner of my eye, a woman looking at me, so I turn my head and attention at the check-out girl, 3 customers away. The kid keeps screaming "Mama" until a much older, foreign-looking woman appears with a smile from behind a shelf and the kid shuts up. The stroller is moved a half-inch from my legs, and the kid starts to kick me till I turn around with another murderous stare, and the mom pulls the stroller back and inch as I move two forward.

Not a minute later, I feel a hand down the back pocket of jeans, so again, me being me, I remove it in a flash without even turning my head, thinking I know it's either one of the 3 people I know to be behind me. BIG mistake. Upon me is the wrath of the mother, who angrily tells me to not interfere and let her mind the baby (is she really?). Not impressed by her minding the baby, I just look at her blankly, and return my attention to the line.

5 seconds, and the mother is in my face, yelling at me to respect the baby, respect the baby, respect the baby. I told her "I hear you", and turned my attention elsewhere. I mean, &%¤#. Bring your pick-pocketing baby someplace else. I really have zero tolerance for this type of thing. It annoys the crap out of me (not literally, thank God).

Also brings out the language nerd in me, cause there is not a chance in the world I will ever "respect" any baby, at least not one I don't know. Feel free to ask me to treat it more gently, and I will abide, but respect is earned over time. Regardless of age.

I wouldn't be surprised if the mother of this baby thought me evil to even touch her Prrreeeeecious. Come to think of it, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to describe her as a fat Gollum.

In all fairness, I am aware that I should have tried to stay calmer around this child. It really is the parents I don't like when the kids are annoying. That said, small kids should be in bed long before 9pm, and parents, when you know your kids reach out and kick their feet, etc., come on... keep some distance. Your little treasure is not the light of everyone else's life.

And if this blog makes anyone think, wow, I'm sure not going to ask her to babysit my kids, THANK YOU! No need to send them my way till they 1) can speak, so I can communicate with them without you going bananas on me, and 2) are old enough for you not to mind my correcting them. If they ever will be. I'll take your dog anytime, though.